Gothic BC

If those are the only two options, then it must be "sage wisdom". Sure. I'll go with that...

Wow!  You guys sure give good answers.  Did you take counselling courses, or is it just sage wisdom?

Sincerely,

Swoop

Sure. I totally avoided the whole fetish thing for the longest time. I don't feel it is de rigeur to being Gothic in any way. Personally I've always been far more interested in that which "Goth" is named for,  19th century Romanticism. There is an enourmous cross-over between the fetish scene and the goth scene, but I've always seen them as two different things. There are plenty of people deep into the fetish scene that wouldn't touch Goth with a ten-foot whip, and plenty of Goths that aren't into the fetish thing at all.

The same is true of the Goth/Industrial overlap. You find the two mixed together frequently because there is plenty of cross-over, but being into one doesn't necessarily mean being into the other. Liking The Cure doesn't mean you have to like Einstürzende Neubauten, too.

Even in other scenes a lot of things that are commonly mixed together don't necessarily have to be mixed. Strange as this example might be coming from me in this form, look at Country and Western. Most people who don't know the difference presume they are one and the same. They aren't. I quite like most country music (which is derived from Cetic folk music), but I can't stand most western music (twangy vocalled, steel guitar, "my wife ran off with the milkman and took my Buick to do it" lonesome cowboy shit).

And I suppose me giving that example says something in itself. Like what you like, what label someone sticks on it down the road shouldn't define your tastes.

I dunno.  Just find out what you like and *be* that.  It's really that simple.  If you like S&M, great, there are many that do.  There are many that don't.  It just doesn't matter.  If you like, you can go "Goth-spotting" when you're out and see the many looks people have invented to suit their lifestyles; get some ideas as to what appeals to you.  Some are cyber, some are velvety, some are very period-costume, some are into leather and PVC, and some like wearing suits and have a very corporate look.  If nothing appeals to you, don't worry about it.  No one said you had to be "Goth" , or anything for that matter.  Just experiment, find out what you like, and do it.  Be honest with yourself.  Those who aren't honest, nor comfortable "in their own skin" are the ones most likely to be nailed as "tourists", "poseurs", or "wannabees", because they reek of awkwardness.