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Is your child a goth?!

Puck's picture

Well, i'm not sure if any one has stuck this up before, but apparently if you answer yes to Five or more of these points you are indeed a goth, and should seek mental help imediatly. This really amused me, as my mother and my  best friend's whole family(who are all devout Baptists) are apparently now goths.

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that

young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,

and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

When the architectual innovations (all of which are designed around letting more light into the building, which of course, is more of an issue as you go north than it is in Italy) came into use, Italian Classicists saw them as an uncouth, uncivilised, barbaric degredation of Classical basillica architecture and called it "Gothic architecture".

Almost right ;-)

The term "gothic" for this kind of architecture maybe of italian origin, but it was not until AFTER the gothic period that it was coined.

Italy had its own brand of gothic style.

The renaissance, which saw itself as heir to classic roman culture, saw everything medieaval to be brutish. Therefor the style was called gothic.

PS: I liked the Steve-Jackson-Games-Shirt saying "so you want to be a goth?" on the front and "where were YOU, when WE sacked Rome?" :D

The only thing that doesn't fit in that list is the bit about the window. The only relationship between Goths, the people and Gothic, the architectural style is a quirk of etymology. In Italy, after the barbarian invasions, the word "Goth" became synonymous with "barbarian" and "uncivilised" (a lot like "vandal" is still used in English). When the architectual innovations (all of which are designed around letting more light into the building, which of course, is more of an issue as you go north than it is in Italy) came into use, Italian Classicists saw them as an uncouth, uncivilised, barbaric degredation of Classical basillica architecture and called it "Gothic architecture".

My favourite list of warning signs your child may be a Goth (from here):

Sings songs of conquest, while drinking mead from a horn.

Insists that the bedroom window have a point at the top.

Constantly sharpening spearpoints.

Makes blood offerings to Wotan.

Talks in a language that is "sort of like German".

Voted most likely to sack Rome for the High School yearbook.

Signs the yearbook in runes.

Brings home a freshly-killed deer every Friday.

Never tires of almost-raw venison for Friday dinner, but won't eat vegetables.

Thinks that Vandals are a bunch of sissies.

Depending upon age, lords it over Pomerania, Dacia, Ukraine, Spain, or Italy.

At least here, we just have the folks at St. Mary's representing the evil of close mindedness and group think. :)

Though, not baby killing or genocide still sure to cause some suffering.

Maybe "perceived" would be a better term? Yes, there is plenty of evil in the world. If that's all you want to focus on. But there is also plenty of good in the world too.

It's all a matter of attitude and perception.

-- no comment on the baby thing. Sounds terrible, but I didn't hear anything about it.

Good point.  The world is filled with plenty of evil, darkness and violence (just turn on the news).

Was anybody else as horrified as I was when California Police shot a baby during a hostage situation the other day?  There had to have been a better way of dealing with that situation than firing off a berrage of hot lead at the man holding the child.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

Apparently, being human is deviant, so is releasing tension, and discovering things about yourself.

I simply can't stand Fundamentalist/extreme Christian thought patterns such as this.

Yes, there are some wonderful Christian people out there but a lot of the ones I've met are some of the most anal, closed-minded people I have ever met.

I got somewhere around 11-15, I stopped counting after a while. Looks like I'm about to melt down babyfat for candles.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Sounds like the same criteria the RCMP were using with that whole "Satanism" thing a few weeks ago.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Haha Sound more amish then christian  :D lol

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Beware, straight-laced, conservative parents!  Feeding Count Chocula to little Bobby and Sally will turn them into goths!

(See, that's where my parents went wrong with me.  I ate that chocolate-y cereal with those blob-like marshmallows, and I knew a life of darkness was for me.  Cereal is quite powerful.)

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