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god

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all these angels in my head

all my demons

cold and dead

heaitate.......to liberate......my hate

to much pain,to much joy

to contemplate,

walk the line, walk the path......

watch it obliverate

ash to ash, its just my life for you to muipulate

make me see how i believe and trusted you

how you stayed and betrayed...and didnt follow though

all my prayers that i gave to get

faith renewed

diminshed time in my life damm.......

if we only knew.........

give them hope

give them faith

yet you still resist

they call you god

but your a fraud

cause YOU DONT EXIST

sorry if my poem offends anyone

I was going over the poem again, and this part slightly confuses me:

"give them hope

give them faith

yet you still resist

they call you god

but your a fraud

cause YOU DONT EXIST"

I don't quite understand what you meant by "you still resist".  Resist what?  In what way?  Also, for the line "they call you god", you may want to capitalize "god" as it is the name given by those who believe in him, a title.  Just a thought.

Oh, Swoop, calm down!  I will do that right now, before I have to iron my shirt and look for a job so the boyfriend can stop supporting me.  Blah.

I’m with Trixy.  This is a much better poem.  You do a much better job of adhering to a sort of rhyme scheme.  It definitely reminds me of the XTC song “Dear God.”  Basically, the author sends a letter to God, asserting that they do not believe in God.  A spiffy kind of paradox, presenting the question “Why does one address a God they don’t believe in?”  It makes for interesting discussion.  That aside, here are some other language problems that Trixy skipped over.

Line 5:  You use to, the preposition indicating direction (or the first part of an infinitive), when you probably meant to use too, the adverb indicating a higher degree.

Line 9: Its is the possessive form of It.  You need to use an apostrophe to make the contraction It’s from It and Is.  You can get away with omitting the apostrophe in words like don’t and didn’t (lines 21 and 11) because the fear of confusion with another word isn’t so much of a problem. 

Line 14: Damn with an N, not damm.  As a note, dam is the thing that beavers build.

Line 20: Same problem as line 9. Your is the possessive form of You.  It should read you’re (as in "you are a fraud"). 

There are still some discrepancies in the measure, but that is not entirely uncommon in modern poetry, so I’ll not pick on it much.  I’m often guilty of it myself.

Speaking of me…  TRIXY!  When are you going to critique my poems?  What!?  They aren’t worthy of your attention or something? :P

The first thing that really stood out to me was the over-use of  ellipsis in this poem, and the incorrect use of them, as well.  Also, an ellipsis only has three points in it "..." like so.

Another problem, as with your last poem, was the spelling errors:

"heaitate"

"obliverate"

"muipulate"

And there is inconsistancy in tenses in this line:

"make me see how i believe and trusted you"

That said, I definately like this poem more than the last.  Even though I don't agree with the content, I definately think that this piece of writing shows a lot more promise.  Keep up the good work!