Kry, this post is long dead and there really is no reason for triple posting on it. Yes, we all acknowledge that it is ridiculous. That's why it was posted here, as a little touch of humour regarding the misconceptions people might have about goths, but to drag the thread back to life by posting random, sarcastic nonsense... what's the point?
Forum:
Is your child a GOTH?
Submitted by Arch Dandy on
..taken from religious right-wing site, absolutely hilarious! Can't believe this is for real..
Parents are justly concerned that their children are being led into danger by the GOTH subculture. How can you tell if your child is a GOTH? Look for these warning signs.
# Wears black clothing.
# Has piercings or tattoos.
# Wears a pentagram or an ankh (an ancient Egyptian symbol used in Satanic Baal-worshipping rituals).
# Wears rock T-shirts.
# Listens to GOTH bands such as Marilyn Manson, or to other antisocial music.
# "Hangs out" with new friends.
# Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
# Shows diminished interest in wholesome activities such as church, prayer, and sports.
# Takes drugs.
# Kills people for fun.
# Stays up late at night and/or drinks blood.
# Watches cable.
# Complains of headaches, boredom, nausea, stabbing pains or thirst.
# Is secretive.
# Spends large amounts of time alone.
# Spends large amounts of time with people you dont know.
# Misbehaves in school.
# "Forgets" to do chores, possibly because of drug or alcohol abuse.
# Hears music when the only sound is noise, possibly because of drug or alcohol abuse.
# Uses a computer or the Internet.
# Plays video games or role-playing games.
# Reads science fiction or fantasy books.
# Writes angry entries in a secret diary (you can usually find the diary easily if you search your childs room).
# Has paranoid fantasies (many GOTHS accuse their parents of spying on them).
# Pursues dangerous cult religions such as WICCA, SATANISM, HINDUISM and BUDDHISM.
# Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
# Uses the blood of Christian babies to inscribe pentagrams or other symbols on churches and schools.
# Sleeps too much or too little.
# Eats too much or too little.
# Looks at pornography or otherwise shows interest in sex.
# Is a homosexual, bisexual, or "pansexual."
# Smokes clove cigarettes.
# Leaves syringes or other drug paraphernalia around the house.
# Eats GOTH-related foods such as Count Chocula breakfast cereal.
# Mocks authority figures such as teachers, guidance counselors or Jesus.
# Says, "I am a GOTH."
# Wears a pin that says, "I am a GOTH."
# Talks about going to GOTH clubs or parties.
# Asks for locks of hair from casual acquaintances.
# Owns more than one cast-iron cauldron.
# Dances to music.
# Behaves in any unusual or alarming way.
I mean it says .. Wears rock T-shirts. Yea well then i guess the little twelve year old girl wearing a Hilary Duff t-shirt is an evil goth! I mean it said rock t-shirts and well I guess that means all rock t-shirts. including all of those Christian rock bands....
.. "Hangs out" with new friends. oh wow. exscuse me for being nice to people and being a friendly and social human being! I am so EVIL!!!!! LMAO!
.. Listens to GOTH bands such as Marilyn Manson, or to other antisocial music. Marilyn Manson is so poser goth! Sheesh!
.. Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Who doesn't? I'm an eighteen year old! most teens want their space!
.. Shows diminished interest in wholesome activities such as church, prayer, and sports. Some people just suck at sports and not many little kids are seen praying for hours and hours.
.. Watches cable. Oh em geezers! Everyone in the world must be evil gothic satan worshipping people now! lol!
.. Complains of headaches, boredom, nausea, stabbing pains or thirst. that's usually what happens when you are sick.
.. Is secretive. OoO! I have a deep dark secret that I'm going to take over the Earth with my gothic cable watching friends! jk! lmao!
.. "Forgets" to do chores, possibly because of drug or alcohol abuse. i don't have chores....
.. Uses a computer or the Internet. Zomigosh! I AM SO EVIL! LOOK I'M USING THE INTERNET NOW!!!!! AHHH!
.. Plays video games or role-playing games. Aww guess the little children can't play Barney and Friends for PS2 any more.... -sigh-
.. Reads science fiction or fantasy books. it's a book! sheesh! not like I believe in it! my gosherrz! lol!
.. Writes angry entries in a secret diary (you can usually find the diary easily if you search your childs room). "Dear Diary, a bully punched me and it made me angry. Oh no! I'm a goth! -cries-" lol!
.. Pursues dangerous cult religions such as WICCA, SATANISM, HINDUISM and BUDDHISM. how is Buddhism dangerous? Isn't it all about peace and love?
.. Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. I am eighteen. I do not need my mother or my father to hold my hand in a mall. Nor did they when I was fourteen or even twelve. Sheesh. lmao!
.. Uses the blood of Christian babies to inscribe pentagrams or other symbols on churches and schools. okay i never heard of that! That's just gross!
.. Sleeps too much or too little. i have a sleeping disorder.
.. Looks at pornography or otherwise shows interest in sex. Everyone gets into sex sometimes. It's natural.
.. Is a homosexual, bisexual, or "pansexual." oh no. My lesbianism has made me an evil goth. -tear- lol.
.. Eats GOTH-related foods such as Count Chocula breakfast cereal. Oh no!!!!!!!! I have digested evil chocolate bats && marshmallows! I have gone against the Lord with my evil eating! AAAAH! shame on me! Oh no and when I was a four year old I watched Sesame Street! && there is an evil vampire puppet in it that teaches little kids how to count! Oh no! LMFAO!
.. Says, "I am a GOTH." who says that?! not even gothic people do! not many! lol.
.. Dances to music. Oh my gosh! I danced at my prom! i am such a horrible evil gothic person.... -cries.- lmao!
.. Has piercings or tattoos. i had my ears pierced. Wow i'm so evil. shame on me! -cries- lol.
.. Wears black clothing. priests wear black all of the time. They must be evil gothic humans who worship the devil. lmao!
wow! everyone is gothic then! Man oh man! what do they want us to do? Sit like hermits and pray 24/7?! and there's nothing wrong with masturbation! ha i bet the person who made that crap up does all the time! and so what if I like alone time1 Sheesh! doesn't mean i'm talking to demons! My gosherrz! That's funny! i'm Catholic and wow this is stupid! Count Chocula cereal!? wtf?! it's cereal for pete's sake! chocolate bats and marshmellows! I guess they're gonna ban sesame Street too it has a vampire puppet in it! haha! Oh and I guess the little girls wearing hilary Duff on their t-shirts are goth too! haha! how lame! Wearing band t-shirts! well i guess that implies to all singers! and dancing is fun! I guess we can't dance at weddings anymore or even waltz and stuff. Nope we must all sit and pray. PUH LEASE! I am a Catholic but man oh man some people take religion too seriously. I'm a lesbian too. And not by choice. i just can't like guys. I pray and I'm not for Satan at all. i hate it when people are so closed minded. Jesus loves everyone and is forgiving. Who cares if I like metal? Music is meaningful to me. There's Christian Metal too. They are being crazy. This is just rediculous.